i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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