He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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