Sponge bath it is.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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