You made me cry and you don't even care
plz talk dirty to me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
