I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
