I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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