sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
