I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
