i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
