You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
