WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
