Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
