its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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