I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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