"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
