Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
