goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
