when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
