one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
