At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
