chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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