brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
