P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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