She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
