How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Small penises have feelings too.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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