You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
