my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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