He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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