Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
