everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
