Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
