We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
