1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
