just come out here and I will go home with you...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
