my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
