so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
