So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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