girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
