You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
