I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize