first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
