you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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