I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The best revenge is premature balding
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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