I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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