I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
