Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
