OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
