we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
