i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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