You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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