i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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