the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
