Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
