At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
