Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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