I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
