i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
