mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
