apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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