Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
