Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
