You're a womanizer and a bitch.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize