also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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