hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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