Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
