Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
