It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
