My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I love you. Go after that dick
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
