Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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