At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
