someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
