My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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