i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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