she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
