and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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