you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
