Hey man sorry I got all grabby
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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