Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
