She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
