Acid is not a monday night drug
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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