whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
worst night to have a conscience
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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