Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
