new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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