all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize