I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your cock deserves a montage
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
