Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
