I wish I could punch you in the face.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
