Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
