they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Damn victory sex feels great
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
