I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
