Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
