You're my little dorito
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
