these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
