Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
