you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
