He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
