Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
