No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sorry about my life...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
