Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
