Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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